Some jokes that our readers have posted in our comments:

1. That awkward moment when you deliver a highly rated life insurance policy…

“Whenever I deliver a highly rated life insurance policy, I remind the insured that while the premium may be higher, given their health, they won’t pay nearly so long! Then I smile and chuckle a bit, they chuckle too, and they accept the policy. Deep down, pretty much all people know what their health status really is … so don’t let ‘em blow smoke at you.”

– MrWiseOwl

2. Introverts vs. extroverts, and one correction

“What’s the difference between an introverted actuary and an extroverted actuary? An introverted actuary looks at his shoes when he talks to you. An extroverted actuary looks at your shoes . . .”

– Linda

To which another reader commented: “Oldest joke in the book except it is the difference between an actuary and an accountant.” – Never gets old

3. The real question is: Can your wife really get remarried?

“I was trying to deliver a life insurance policy to a fella who kept insisting to me that his wife could always get remarried. Finally, I blurted out ‘have you looked at her lately?’ He took the policy …”

– MrWiseOwl

4. What’s Hobby Lobby got to do with it?

“Question: What do accountants use for birth control?
Answer: Their personality.”

– Robert

Insurance jokes from the internet

5. It’s all about the policy…

Would Transformers buy life insurance … or car insurance?

6. Barn and husband insurance

Larry’s barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money.”

The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn’t work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.”

There was a long pause before Susan replied, “Then I’d like to cancel the policy on my husband

7. How to start a flood

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, “I’m here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.”

“That’s quite a coincidence,” said the engineer. “I’m here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.”

The puzzled lawyer asked, “How do you start a flood?”

8. What’s in the bucket?

A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.

“We don’t need any one,” they replied.

“You can’t afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything anytime.”

“We have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job.”

He was gone for about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for an $80,000 policy and another for a $50,000 policy.

“How in the world did you do that,” they asked.

“I told you I’m the world’s best salesman, I can sell anyone anywhere anytime.”

“Did you get a urine sample?” they asked him.

“What’s that?” he asked.

“Well, if you sell a policy over $40,000 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples.”

He was gone for about eight hours and then he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine and sets them on the desk and says, “Here’s Mr. Brown’s and this one is Mr. Smith’s.”

“That’s good,” they said, “but what’s in those two buckets?”

“Well, I passed by the school house and they were having a state teachers convention and I sold them a group policy!”

9. Honoring the last wish…

A father told his three sons when he sent them to the university: “I feel it’s my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it; as a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die.”

And so it happened. The sons became a doctor, a lawyer, and a financial planner, each very successful financially. When they saw their father in the coffin one day, they remembered his wish.

First it was the doctor who put ten $100 bills onto the chest of the deceased.

Then came the lawyer, who put a $1,000 bill there, too.

Finally, it was the heartbroken financial planner’s turn. He dipped into his pocket, took out his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000, put it into his father’s coffin, and took the $2,000 cash.

10. That’s one way to pay those hospital bills …

Mr. Smith was brought to the hospital and taken quickly in for heart surgery. The operation went well and, as the old man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of the hospital, who was waiting by his bed.

“Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gently patting his hand. “We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?”

“No, I’m not,” the man whispered hoarsely.

“Then can you pay in cash?” persisted the nun.

“I’m afraid I cannot, Sister,” he said.

“Well, do you have any close relatives?” the nun questioned sternly.

“Just my sister in New Mexico,” he volunteered. “But she’s a humble spinster nun.”

“Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters; they are married to God.”

“Wonderful,” said Mr. Smith. “In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law.”


Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from ILSTV

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest